I've been reflecting a lot recently about where I was in my life three years ago. Three years ago, I was getting ready to go on a mission. I was in the process of finishing my papers and was planning on submitting them in early January, three months before I would turn 21. I had received a clear answer that I this is what I needed to do, and I was both scared and excited.

By the time Christmas break rolled around, I started having some confusion as to whether or not I had made the right decision. I could not tell if this was the Spirit prompting me and telling me that going on a mission right now was wrong, or if the adversary was trying to keep me from doing the right thing. Needless to say, I spent many weeks feeling confused and lost as I searched for an answer. In fact, I never received a clear answer from the Lord regarding my decision while I was seeking His help.

Christmas break ended and I returned to BYU with my mission papers complete and an appointment with my stake president for my final interview before their submission. Because I had not received an answer, I decided to continue moving forward with my plans to go on a mission and have faith that the Lord would stop me if it was the wrong choice.

The evening of my interview with my stake president came and I felt physically ill. Just  the thought of going to that interview made me sick, and I knew in my heart that this was my answer. I was devastated. I had been so excited to go on a mission! Not only that, but I had been so sure that the Lord had confirmed to me that the decision to go on a mission was right. Had I misunderstood the promptings and answers that I'd received? Had I done something to upset Him? I must admit, I began to doubt my ability to receive and understand revelation. I thought I had done something wrong.

At the time that I was making the decision as to whether or not I should serve a mission, I was also considering doing study abroad the following spring/summer if I did not go on a mission. By the time I received the answer that I should not go on a mission after all, deadlines for study abroad had passed. I never felt angry at God, but I did feel frustrated that the answer did not come in time for me to sign up to study abroad instead. All of my plans had been thwarted, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do anymore. I was lost.

My feelings of frustration persisted for a few months. Furthermore, I began to feel like the reason the Lord did not want me to go on a mission was because I was inadequate or not good enough. This thought was devastating to me, and although looking back I recognize that these thoughts came from the adversary, they were very upsetting at the time. Needless to say, I had a rough few months.

Luckily, things began to look up when I started dating a handsome fellow and good friend of mine. Our relationship progressed quickly, and it didn't take long for us to realize that the Lord had brought us together for a reason. As wonderful as a mission would have been, I found something that brought me so much more happiness than a mission ever could have. While a mission would have brought me a great deal of joy, the Lord had something much greater in store for me.

Looking back, I see the tender mercies of the Lord in my life to a great degree in this instance. If I had received the answer that I was not supposed to go on a mission sooner, I probably would have applied for study abroad and I would not have started dating Daniel. Not only this, but there were specific people who were in my ward that spring and summer that I know the Lord needed me to meet for reasons that are not pertinent to this story. He had not waited to give me the answer I sought because He was not hearing my prayers, but because He knew that it was not the right time for me to receive that answer. Oh how grateful I am today that He waited to answer my prayers!

Additionally, the Lord knew that I needed to go through the process of preparing to go on a mission. I became a better woman and I was more prepared to be a wife and a mother because of my preparation to serve the Lord. I learned for myself that I was willing to follow the Lord's promptings and do what He needs me to do. In my instance, the process of preparing to serve taught me what I needed to know in order to move on to the next stage of my life.

While it was frustrating to have changes in plans and the absence of answers, looking back I can see that these frustrations were in fact tender mercies that led me to where I am today. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and His true love for me. I am grateful that He loves me enough to give me what I need for my eternity, not what I want in finite moments. The sweet family that I have today is my greatest blessing in this life, and I know that the Lord led me to the place where I am now. He is so aware of us, and He will lead us where we need to go if we will just have faith in Him and His will.